“I think I’m going to write a humorous essay,” I said to my husband recently. “What should I write about?”
“Write about how everyone always wants to punch you in the head,” he said.
“What should I call it?” I asked him.
“Call it ‘Everyone always wants to punch me in the head’,” he suggested.
[Read more →]
Since it’s Fashion Week, I have a confession to make: I’m kind of a dressaholic.
[Read more →]
I never thought I’d say this, but here it is: I have a doorman. Well, technically I have a part-time doorman. And he is silently judging me. [Read more →]
I don’t usually read a lot of glossy magazines, and I never read InStyle… but the exception to this rule occurs when I find a big old pile of magazines in my building’s trash and recycling room. Then I will grab a pile, and happily look through a bunch of free magazines.
So while flipping through an old issue of InStyle (May 2008 - hey neighbors, you hang on to your magazines for a LONG time), I came across this sentence: “It’s 5:30 PM and Carrie Underwood [for those of you who don’t know who this is, she is an American Idol winner] hasn’t eaten all day. In 90 minutes she’s due at a Grammy Awards rehearsal, and there’s a platter nearby piled with sandwiches. But Underwood sips a diet soda and nibbles on a Weight Watchers bar instead. ‘Everything shows up immediately right here,’ she says, pointing to her flat tummy. ‘So I monitor what I eat.’ ” And what does the author of this illustrious article write in response to this? “The woman has willpower.”
Ugh. The feminist in me recoils at this. That’s not WILLPOWER, that’s called ANOREXIA. I mean, isn’t that about 200 calories for an entire day? On the other hand, at least Carrie Underwood is honest about why she looks as thin as she does, and doesn’t say things like “I don’t count calories! I just try to exercise when I can, I looove walking my dogs and doing yoga!” like half the celebrities (who have clearly had plastic surgery) say in the puff pieces that appear in many publications - even those purportedly dedicated to women’s health and fitness (SELF magazine, I am looking at you).
This weekend, there was a massive swarm of honeybees on the NJ Turnpike near Cherry Hill. It’s believed that the bee onslaught was a result of a beekeeper’s beehive falling beside the highway.
In other not-really-news, this past weekend I briefly attended the Siren Festival in Coney Island, where I caught a few Malkmus tunes, breathed some sea air, and got a Siren Festival t-shirt featuring a giant squid and a subway car! I also did some more bee watching. Plus, I gained new insight as to why my local Key Food is so completely, utterly insane: I overheard the manager tersely tell an older gentleman who was asking if the store carried an item advertised in a coupon that NO, they didn’t have any and he would not go look in the stock room, TOO BAD. The same manager then told a cashier that people who “stole $.25 bags of popcorn” were “going to go to hell” (the un-labeled, small bags of popcorn were near the cash registers and looked like free samples). I also finally managed to get some much-needed hardware and software so that I could play music from my laptop wirelessly through my stereo speakers; my life is now 1000% more awesome as a result of this.
Top 10 ways to convince everyone to return to the Island:
10: Free Pina Coladas!
9: Double frequent flier miles
8: Clothing optional
7: Sawyer will make everyone a personalized mix tape
6: Starbucks now open on island
5: Island now has UVA/UVB protection built in
4: Two words: Pig roast
3: Full time doorman
2: Hula lessons taught by Hurley every Wednesday
1: Time-space travel better than Botox
City Sights NY, you are driving me insane. Your stupid tour buses go right outside my window every day. But now that it’s cracked 50 degrees, THREE of them just went by within a 5-minute span. What are the tourists looking at?! This is Brooklyn, not Manhattan. The worst part is your tour guides using microphones! “NEIL DIAMOND, THE SINGER, AND BARBARA STREISAND…” Well I just gave a busload of tourists some real New York flavor as I gave them the finger. They probably all took pictures and will be back home in Iowa going “Look, Karl! This REAL BROOKLYN person gave us the finger! Isn’t that hilarious! Imagine if the cows out back could do that!”
If you would like to call City Sights New York and complain, they can be reached at 212-812-2700. Better yet, find out where the tour operators live and go by their apartments making loud, inane announcements all the time.
The Cobble Hill Cinema in Brooklyn has its negatives - the lack of any place to wait inside to buy a ticket, getting served popcorn that was clearly made the day before at a matinee, and the infuriating sizing of the concessions (”child sized”) come to mind - but it’s got a lot going for it too, and remains my favorite movie theater in the vicinity by a long shot. I like the discounted movie tickets during certain days/times, the creepy-yet-endearing portraits of movie stars painted on the walls, and the selection of indie/mainstream movies in one place. But best of all is the intro to the films. It looks like it was made in 1983 (complete with lasers, pinballs, and a very dated sounding musical score) yet it reminds moviegoers to turn off their cell phones. I went to see a movie at the Cobble Hill Cinema yesterday, and I noticed that they had some newer, more technologically advanced pre-show slides and adver-tainment (yes, I just made that up). I was hoping and praying that the laser-pinball intro would remain. Thankfully it did. I wish I had a clip of it to share here, but alas this seems to be the one thing NOT posted on YouTube.
I just downloaded the latest Cat Power album of covers, Jukebox. One of the people who plays on the album is one-time Temple of Sting interviewee (back in the print days) Gregg Foreman, formerly of the band Delta 72 and #1 crush of every girl in the ’90s. Anyway, this got me thinking about the ’90s and the first time I heard Cat Power (on the jukebox - hey, jukebox! A theme! - at Max Fish) and I realized that I haven’t had the experience of first hearing something somewhere other than a computer or i-Pod in quite a long time. Does this mean I’m just not getting out as much these days? I think this has been a trend for everyone since the widespread availability of digital music, though, and isn’t just happening to me. Anyone else have any fond memories of ‘first time I heard it’ songs?
Although this is indeed the WORLD wide web, Temple of Sting has extra-special love for the beautiful borough of Brooklyn. Besides, isn’t it true that something like half the people in the U.S. have a connection to Brooklyn?
Here is the annual “State of the Borough” interview in the Brooklyn Paper with Brooklyn Borough President Marty Markowitz. Those who know me know I have a - well, I wouldn’t call it an obsession - but let’s say a strong feeling for Marty. I just adore him!