Bees on the News(paper box)

Once again, Sting and his cohorts the Police announce that they are touring, and specifically playing New York City, and immediately bees go into action!

On Wednesday, a swarm of bees took over a newspaper box on the Upper East Side. Emergency Services were called but hung back, and somehow “bee whisperer” Jim Fischer, a volunteer at the Bronx Zoo, was called in (who knew there was a “bee whisperer?”)

He said he sprayed water on them so they wouldn’t fly.“This is a swarm,” he said. “This is how bees reproduce. The hive breaks in half and bees swarm around the old queen. Somewhere around here, there’s another hive of bees. We just don’t know where.”

This reminds me of the time bees swarmed onto a tree on my block in Brooklyn. While everyone else seemed surprised and alarmed, I was fascinated (”look, a bee tree!”), and knew exactly where the bees had come from (a man who keeps bees on his roof). A few days later, the bees were gone. My explanation was that they had saved up enough money (or perhaps honey?) to put down 20% on a co-op.

A dark day

On October 2, 1951, a new evil arose in the world. Gordon Sumner, who you now know as Sting, was born. To this day, he rules the world with his invisible iron fist, causing the destruction of bees through colony collapse disorder and inflicting his terrible music upon the world.

 Oh, and apparently Trudie got Sting…. strippers for his birthday ? That’s totally klassy!

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A Disturbance in NY

If you live in New York City, perhaps you feel slightly off today. Maybe you can’t breathe very well. Perhaps your stomach hurts. Or you could have a headache that just won’t go away. Why do you feel this way?

The answer, my friend, is Sting. 

The reunited Police are playing tonight at Madison Square Garden. This effects the economy (thousands of people shelling out hundreds of dollars for tickets!), the environment (Sting’s full of hot air, as previously discussed on this very blog!), traffic (all those people coming in from New Jersey and Long Island in their giant SUVs!) - heck, it affects everything. So my advice to you is, if you can, AVOID THE MADISON SQUARE GARDEN AREA TONIGHT AT ALL COSTS.

Sting at Live Earth

Bee-lieve it or not, Sting and I (the Queen Bee) actually have a few things in common. We both like yoga. We both care about the environment.

As I’m sure you are aware by now, Sting is playing with the reunited Police at the Live Earth concert this weekend. But, as today’s New York Times article astutely points out, “Live Earth joins a long history of mega-events in which the spectacle can sometimes overshadow the cause, and promises made under the spotlights can be hard to keep in the long term” and “Environmental bloggers questioned the need for big, energy-gorging concerts. News reports pointed out that performers would be making trips around the world in exhaust-spewing jets, and that some of them (Kanye West, Sheryl Crow) have songs in S.U.V. commercials.”

Not to mention that Sting himself had a song in a Jaguar commercial.

Temple of Sting believes that, in fact, Sting is one of the main causes of global warming. The tremendous amount of hot air coming out of the man is directly affecting the temperature of the earth. No, I don’t have scientific proof - yet. But I think Sting’s participation in Live Earth is an attempt to cover up his true, evil nature!